Psychological Safety (HBR Emotional Intelligence Series) (for Raymond Rhine) by Harvard Business Review

Author:Harvard Business Review
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2024-09-03T00:00:00+00:00

Using dismissive language in these ways can send a message to the recipient that their feelings and struggles aren’t real or are unnecessary, and it can even amplify any shame that’s already present. If someone is coming to you because they’re struggling, the last thing you want is for them to leave feeling unseen, unheard, and unsupported.

What emotionally supportive language sounds like

Becoming a more emotionally supportive leader requires emotional intelligence. Farah Harris, well-being expert and founder of WorkingWell Daily, described emotionally intelligent leaders to me as “comfortable with emotions, whether those that come up within them or come up in others. They create a sense of belonging, because their behaviors allow their team members to be seen and heard.”

Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t hide behind a shield of detachment when someone presents them with a struggle. They can regulate their own emotions and support others in doing the same.

Here are six ways to be supportive when someone shares an emotional situation or challenge:

Validate their experience

Validation can be as simple as acknowledgment—for example, “I can see why this is exhausting.” Especially when experiencing mental health challenges, people can feel alone and even broken. By validating someone’s experience, you’re not only saying, “I see you,” you’re also saying, “I believe you,” which can bring comfort during a challenging time.

Seek to understand

Give your team member the opportunity to elaborate if they want to. Coming from a place of curiosity can be powerful—for example, “Tell me more about that.” When we seek to understand, we’re showing the other person that we care about them, want to support them, and want to learn more so we can do more.

Guide emotional and physical support

When someone is struggling, you might ask, “How can I best support you right now?” or “What would be helpful right now?” In a heightened emotional moment, it can be hard for someone to think about or see what may be helpful to them. Asking this question can help them determine and name what they need.

Offer specific support

Sometimes people don’t know what they need, may be afraid to ask, or are unsure of what options are available to them. You might ask, “Would X be helpful?” Offering a specific way to support them can make it easier for someone to say yes to accepting help.

Invite perspective instead of prescribing solutions

If you’ve been through a similar experience as your team member, don’t assume you understand and that what worked for you will work for them. Knowing that someone else has been through a similar experience can be comforting, but everyone is on a different journey. Assuming you know what’s best can minimize the other person’s needs, centers the conversation on you, and can leave them feeling unsupported. Instead of saying, “I’ve been there, here’s what you should do,” try, “Would it be helpful to hear what helped me in a similar situation?”

Acknowledge and appreciate them

Thank your team member for coming to you—for instance: “I can see this has been hard. I am here for you. Thank you for trusting me with this information.

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